Somebody has to go first.

Most standoffs are not standoffs at all. They are two people waiting, each fairly certain it is the other one's turn.

The message nobody answered. The neighbour you stopped nodding to and cannot now remember why. The brother who did not ring at Christmas, sitting at home thinking you did not ring either.

Whoever moves first pays almost nothing. That is the part we get wrong. The one who speaks is rarely thought less of — most often the other person is relieved, and says so within a sentence or two.

There is one of these in your life that would be over by teatime, if you were the one who went first.